progress

I went to Kingston this past weekend and every time I go I get a lot of food for thought. In the past but less occasionally now, I would be quite taken up with all the things that it appered that "they had" and "I didn't" - aka. community, freedom, FUN. Jealousy was certainly in the mix and I always wanted to be THERE instead of HERE. I felt left out so the Queens bubble was always so attractive.

I oddly didn't feel those things as strongly as I used to this past weekend. The disparities between the 2 cities and experiences are still identifiable, I still miss my friends and I always have a fantastic time when I'm there... but thankfully, my attitude towards Toronto and UT has changed quite drastically in the past 2.5 years. Finally, I can recognize that there are tons of good things in life and not all the good things are necessarily found/concentrated in one place alone. It is obvious to everybody inside and outside of Kingston looking in that there are immense blessings in that community to be received but at the same time, it is only the blind who don't see that there are immense blessings to be received here in Toronto as well. God is the same God there as He is here.

For the longest time I didn't understand why I was condemned to stay at home for university. That's right, I wrote condemned, hah, that's how much I hated it. 2.5 years later, I am finally beginning to understand. how slow am i? The circumstances in my life have fostered a lot of growth and maturation so who am I to harbour resentment over it?

The point is that I can see how God used being in Toronto to shape who I am today, and I am thankful for the experience. When I finally set my roots down, God showed me His faithfulness and my life is changing. I guess it's that whole "consider trials pure joy" kind of thing - there can be growth and blessing found in everything.. God just doesn't choose to reveal it all at the same time.

So, the top 3 reasons I am glad I am in Toronto because
- if i was in kingston, i may not have recognized that Christian friends and fellowship cannot be the crutch in my spiritual life. i may not have sensed my innate need and desperation for God in the way i do now and probably would not have taken responsibility for my own growth.
- if i was in kingston, i would not have connected with NYCBC in a continuous manner and would not have the awesome church relationships i have now (clare +benj+ girls group!)
- if i was in kingston, my family life would probably be worse than it is now

Who knows, I may have turned out to be an even more fantastic person if I lived in some other city but those are a lot of what ifs I can't afford to entertain. The grass on the other side is only as green as you make it so EMILY FAN, you can be happy and content with what you have.